Time after time

I often wonder how I have spent the past year with my eyes closed.

I feel like I woke up one day and not only do I look older, but I feel older. My body cracks and creaks like a settling house. I talk about the weather. My favorite thing to do is sit on our porch swing and listen to the stillness or the rustling of the trees.

My little baby has become a person with whom I can converse. Lucas has his own thoughts and feelings. He understands order, and how things work. He plays and makes jokes. His memory is stellar. He is so kind and loving. I am blown away by him everyday.

It was not until a few days ago that I realized that I am the cause of his behavior. He is a mini-me. My husband sent me a card that voiced this, and it opened my eyes. His voice inflection even mimicks mine. I am finally understanding that children really do learn by example, more so than I realized before.

And Meredith! My word, in a year she has progressed so much. I can look at her and still see my little baby that I had attached at my hip. Now she is able to make decisions for herself, get her needs and wants across without crying. She defends herself with Lucas and is in love with her Daddy. She definately has a mind of her own.

Life is passing right before my eyes.

And as this idea is hard for me to come to terms with, I cannot imagine what it is like for my parents to see me as a grown mother of two.....or better yet, my grandfather.....I can't even imagine what it would be like if my grandmother knew I had two babies, who aren't even babies anymore.

On one of my shows not too long back, a character suggested you should view aging as creating memories. Each new wrinkle is an event that took place, that was shared. While this is an amazing way to look at life, I find it so hard to live up to.

We live in a society filled with face lifts, botox and hair color. No one wants to admit they are changing. No one wants to show their laugh lines.

My husband has grey hairs and people always make it known if they notice. But why? What is the big deal? Regardless of pulling them out, or coloring them -- the inevitable is still happening. Time is still passing.

Since I am steadily approaching 30, I will commit myself to age with grace....I am hoping that writing it will make it happen.