Changes...

My life has changed significantly these past few weeks. My children have grown up to be individuals.

Meredith is a quiet and curious little girl, who is exploring the world. But only if I am around. She has to be attached to me at every moment it seems.

Lucas - he has become more independent than ever. We fight constantly. He wants to do things in his own time...like he wants to eat when he is ready, not because I tell him to do so. And the result is screaming - screaming because I give him what he wants, but he doesn't want it because I was the one who did it for him. He is actually driving me nuts. I told my mother that I was going to drop him off and I will take him back when he is done with this phase. My patience level is non-existant with him.

My stress level is high.

Besides that, my love tank is empty. I am really tired of people saying, "Oh! Rich will be home before you know it! It's not that much longer!" Well, I will know it when he comes home, because I slowly mark the days off the calendar. And it is that much longer....Your optimism isn't helping me...

I am very aware that this deployment is nothing like the separation we had during Ranger School. That time period was something I never wish to revisit. Perhaps I was forced to endure that in preparation for this deployment, yet however the plan is laid out, I am grateful everyday that our months of separation are nothing like his time becoming Ranger Rich. I don't have to go a month without hearing his voice, to then only hear it for fifteen minutes. I am grateful for our strong communication and my ability to bring him as close to home as possible. However, that does not mean our time apart is any less difficult.....any less lonely.