Time

For a while now, I have been wasting  spending time reading other blogs instead of updating my own. 
My heart wasn't in updating or keeping a blog anymore. 
I had reached a point where I wasn't doing it for ME.
I was only wanting to do it if someone was reading....

And sure, someone is reading this.  I know I have at least five family members that check daily to see if there are updates with the kids and their latest adventures.

 Because that is all anyone really cares about anyways...the cute faces and the stories. 

But my heart still wasn't there.  I felt like it was a chore I wanted to ignore.  I wasn't seeing it as a cathartic experience any longer. 

I tried for a while to force posts.  But eventually I gave into the blog vortex of crafting and organizing....until my eyes glazed over from people who posted photos of what their junk drawer looked like after they had reorganized. 

Really, what had I become that I sat and looked at this stuff like it was interesting?
And why do people waste their time taking photos of putting pens and keys and batteries in a basket to share?

It was only then that I realized I had to stop.  I had to evaulate what I was doing, because I wasn't spending time anymore. 

I really was wasting time. If I wasn't going to be on my on blog, then I needed to be doing something more constructive.

I really have so much stuff I want to share, but I cannot bring myself to do it because I am bogged down with myself. 

I had to find balance.

So I cleansed myself. 

I prayed.
I read...
I drank.

and I prayed some more. 

And somehow, I have reached a point where I feel peaceful. 
Where in my heart, I need to continue on with this blog instead of abandoning it....which was my intention about a month ago.

But I will continue with it as I see fit, and I can do so without worrying about who is reading. 
And if you are reading, well that is pretty cool too!